My Experience with 5-MeO-DMT

Shout out to Hubble Telescope for the beautiful image above.
”Wing of Small Megallanic Cloud”

This is my experience with 5-MeO-DMT.

For those of you that have no idea what I’m talking about when referring to 5-MeO-DMT, just to give a little background info:

Bufo aka 5-MeO-DMT is the venom excreted from glands on the body of the Sonoran Desert Toad, Bufo Alvarius. It is a very potent and powerful entheogen. While it is a derivative of DMT its markedly different to NN-DMT in terms of its experiential and physiological effects. NN-DMT is one of the main ingredients in the Ayahuasca brew and it’s known as the “Spirit Molecule”. 5-MeO-DMT, on the other hand, has gained the reputation of the “God Molecule”… and for good reason. 

While I am not religious in any way, I do have my own interpretation and understanding of “God”, and I don’t even like to refer to It as “God”. But in any case, I can totally understand why 5-MeO has this “Godly” reputation and I’m not going to get my panties in a twist because of the terminology. To make description in this entry easier, I will refer to It as God.

DMT tends to be a very visual entheogen and while 5-MeO-DMT can have its visionary aspects to it, the full blown experience is not necessarily visual but more so of an experiential nature.

At some point, I’ll do a post that is relevant to the research surrounding 5-MeO-DMT but this post isn’t about that. It’s simply me sharing my experience because I felt that I’ve sat with it long enough, savoring it, integrating it, and genuinely wanted to share. For any fellow psychonauts out there that’s experienced Bufo, I’d love to hear what your experience was like :)

First of all, I have to say that when it comes to my experiences with entheogens, I really don’t like to hunt for it – I prefer when they find their way to me. When this happens organically, it signifies that I am ready for the experience, and/or that I am meant to have this experience. I had known about 5-MeO-DMT for quite some time but it only presented itself to me in 2018. When I got the call and felt ready, I answered. My first experience with Bufo was the day following a Holotropic Breathwork workshop, and a few days shy of my 29th birthday. My second experience was on my 30th birthday (a very special birthday indeed). Both times, it was with the same guide, who I am forever indebted to as they held the space so beautifully for me. 
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


So without further ado…


How do you talk about that which cannot be described?

There are no words available in human language that can properly denote or differentiate the experience as it is beyond anything comparable. Yet, this is my attempt to convey something that is utterly impossible to conceptualize through human (English) language…

My guide explained to me that he wanted me to do the journey in increments – starting with a hand-shake dose, then a hug (which is adorable), then the full dose. This sounded like a good idea and I also like the idea of being able to acclimatize to the space – dip my toes in the water, get familiar, then dive in. Little did I know just what I was in for…

It was so soothing, almost too soothing. I had the usual angst before any journey but at the point of going into the experience, I had absolutely no fear; it was incredibly easy for me to let go and surrender into the experience. No hesitation, no reservation, and no fear…

The handshake dose was very mild – like a blip – so, not much of an experience to talk about really.

The hug dose took me pretty deep and this was where I had my visual experience: 

I got to F E E L and experience myself embedded and interwoven within the web of life. There was no separation or distinction of differences. I was this expansive web. The feeling was innate, a deep profound feeling of remembrance; a reminder of a truth that I had somewhat forgotten. I say forgotten because I feel that deep down, I’ve always known this truth but this experience was a full on reminder. 

I can understand our interconnectivity with all life and All That Is from an intellectual level with my conscious mind, and it resonates deeply. In meditations or in transpersonal states of consciousness I can certainly feel this truth, but it profoundly different to be taken into that experience; to become it; fully immersed in it as it and to feel the breadth of our expansiveness and infiniteness. To feel the confines of your physical body dissolve and expand infinitely….to be reminded of our infinite nature…
But it’s weird to describe; if you think of the word infinite – what is it? Again, we have nothing to reference it to so it’s abstract concept to talk about or describe…

This feeling was accompanied by an array of incredible, indescribably beautiful visions of sacred geometry cascading all around, but the focal point of what was being revealed resembled a web of mycelium or the connections of neurons within the brain – that’s the closest thing I can relate it to in order to provide some kind of visual. This web took me on a journey to show me my connection, what is really OUR connection to each and every single thing in the known and unknown universe. I was immersed in this web of life, there was no distinction of any kind of separation – my concept as an “individual” dissolved – what even was that??? It was a process of unbecoming yet becoming everything and nothing. This was a beautiful paradox to hold. I felt as though it was incredibly therapeutic for me and was also a deep learning experience by the process of becoming. 

And all this was just before that pinnacle of the full on merge with The Absolute, The All That Is…. The full dose.

Now, mind you, there isn’t much I can say about the experience of the full dose because of how far/how deep I went. “I” – this ego construct of Ana-Alicia Montano - simply wasn’t present so it’s difficult to bring anything back aside from a very profound feeling. All that constitutes our ego, our “I-ness”, our sense of self etc., wasn’t with me, and by “me” I mean the truest, purest form of my essence (what we essentially are). I have no mental or cranial form of memory and my guide explained that my mind and everything that goes with it, wasn’t part of the experience - which actually makes a lot of sense to me.

My one visual memory I hold was when I was approaching this… God – just as I was coming closer to It and I have absolutely no words to describe this. None. Its beauty and love is unfathomable by the human mind. I can see an abstract glimpse of it in my mind’s eye but there is no way I can convey it in any words.

The best way to describe the merging experience (forgive this sloppy metaphor) is like a drop of water falling and rejoining into the ocean. In this case, I am the drop of water, and my experience of “falling” towards the ocean is where I have my memories of the experience. From the moment the drop of water and ocean unite, any concept of thoughts, memories, me, this, that, whatever, is completely gone and all there is, is the ocean, which is water. Let me know if you follow this metaphor…. 

The most I can describe is a sensation. And, in my banal attempt to describe the sensations and feelings that accompanied my ascent to this God is that there was this one very distinct sensation that accompanied it - I straight up feel that this is what dying feels like. I have no doubt in my mind and heart that the sensations I felt as I was approaching this resembles that pinnacle moment of transitioning out of your body - the greatest voyage we’ll undertake at the end of life. I can’t even begin to describe what it feels like. Maybe the drop of water metaphor? But even that doesn’t encapsulate the sensations that filled me. And the thing is, it wasn’t frightening at all…it’s actually extremely comforting, soothing, peaceful, soft, and a most beautiful sensation. 

From that point on…

I went H O M E. 
It was HOME in every sense of the word! 
The quintessential Home.
A place I had been longing for my entire life, a place I was always searching for in the physical realm, but no, this wasn’t a home that is part of the physical realm (although the physical realm is born out of it). It was HOME – Brahman. God. Source. Pure Consciousness – whatever you want to call it - that was It. 

The most indescribably beautiful “thing” I’ll ever experience in my life…all aspects of myself and everything I know, dissolving and merging into the most radiant splendor, the most unfathomable LOVE that I can’t even begin to describe - even reflecting on it, my heart wants to burst from the incredible capacity of this love! I can still feel the remnants of the feeling of my being-ness expanding out from my body. To use some pop-culture terminology here – I.Can’t.Even.
Every attempt feels as though it dances around it, never quite able to fully encapsulate the grandeur of the experience, the love, the bliss, the sheer brilliance, the incredible consciousness, the EVERYTHINGNESS.

This was IT, the ALL, Brahman/God/Source/Consciousness/Purest Bliss… I was embedded within It, totally enveloped by It, I was IT, It was me, and coming out of the experience, I know that everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) arises out of it. This is what makes manifest every single possible thing in both the known and unknown universe, and everything in between. I had the chance to be one with that which IS; the absolute, nondual infinity, truly one with it in every sense of the word…. 

Being lovingly cradled and so deeply held in the embrace of the cosmic womb of creation… BEING that love. It’s fucking mindblowing. I felt a fraction of this immense love before in Ayahuasca journeys, but nothing comparable to this – this was a totally different level.

When I finally landed back into my human consciousness, picking myself up off the floor, I asked my guide what happened. I knew I went into the journey sitting down cross legged but when everything started unfurling, I had absolutely no idea what transpired while I was Home. I was told that I bowed down; I put my forehead to the floor, palms on the floor on either side of my head and cried “a most beautiful cry” (the whole time). When my guide mentioned that I cried for the whole experience, it caused me to check in with my body, and it certainly felt like I had the most cleansing cry of a lifetime. I also felt significantly lighter, like I was still coming back into my body, and I had a profound afterglow feel of that cosmic, loving, cradled-in-the-womb of God sensation…feeling so unbelievably held in a way I had never encountered before.

I closed by eyes, held myself and started to cry again….this time because I was coming to terms with the fact that I had to continue as a human. I was crying because I couldn’t stay nestled there, with the Beloved. I also had this inner sense, a deep comfort of knowing that this “place” resides within. It had been awoken within me and there were ways of reconnecting with It. But I was holding this paradox of already longing to rejoin yet feeling so full and blessed with the experience that just took place. Even holding the notion that there was a way of connecting to the All, I couldn’t control the tears, for I was already longing to go back Home. I was crying because having that experience was THE greatest gift I could ever receive…and so I cried out of gratitude for the experience and for the remembrance…Crying from both a place of deep gratitude and profound longing.

All that remains is the feeling within. I can still tap into that feeling nestled in my heart, expand it throughout my body and I start to cry. It’s something so sacred, so precious, so loving…

When the experience was over and my guide left, I sat on my couch, absolutely bewildered at what just transpired. How do you have this kind of experience then continue on with your day to day life? I mean, life is beautiful and all that, but THAT…..What was I supposed to do now? Then came the sudden realization that I had laundry in the washing machine that needed to be tended to….

Note: Picture below was snapped after I landed from my experience and before my guide left.
I’ve covered his face to protect his identity.
I’m forever grateful to this lovely individual for how they held space for me and guided me.